Living with Cancer
It’s been a day….
Today has been a rough day for me to say the least. Living day in and day out with a cancer that won’t leave your body takes a huge toll on you mentally and physically. It has a name: Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer! It has an evil name.. “cancer!” it is holding up residency in all of my bones.
It’s a cancer that doesn’t like to stay in one place. Bone pain, joint pain, muscle pain, memory loss, breaking bones, hair loss, are just some symptoms of this evil. This evil that won’t leave. I’m human and I cry, and I have panic attacks (which I’ve never had before), like many women in my shoes. Day in and day out I hear and see “Cancer-free” all around me and I am so ecstatic for them and want to jump up for joy (I may not jump for joy in the fear of breaking a bone.. but I am Cheering them on), and Praising Jesus!! Praise HIM for healing my friends! Praise HIM for giving them the chance to finish out this life… a life where God can tell them “Well Done!” I pray for my friends dealing with this evil.
On the outside I look normal, I don’t look “sick.” Unless you knew me, you would never know I was battling this aggressive evil. I use a cane most days to keep my balance steady as this evil has taken up residency in my knee! Taken up residency on my right leg now also. WHOO HOO!!!!, It’s Taken up residency in all of my bones. Also in my left kidney and liver Have I fallen? Yes, many times. I haven’t broken a bone (yet). Praying I don’t break a bone. I’m sure that’ll hurt like hell! I pick myself back up or Steve helps me up LOL, I dust myself off, shed a tear or two, or many if needed, and keep moving forward.
This is NOT my life. This is not the life I chose for myself or my family. This is a hiccup (or a detour as some would call it) in my life. There is so much I want to do and so much I want to see before God calls me Home! I’d love to take a vacation to Ireland ?? (better start saving now.. ) with my family, husband, and kids (and whoever else wants to join us), purchase that sports car, I want to watch my kids grow up, graduate from school, play sports, graduate from college or the military, get married, have children of their own! Enjoy my family and make memories with them.
Everyone has offered to push me around in a wheelchair. Yes! I have one.. and I use it on those bad days when my cane just doesn’t do the job! We never know what plans God has for us. Life is short!! Don’t mess this one up, this is the only one you get!! I remember one of my last prayers to God when I found out that the cancer was gone last year. I do continue to pray daily! I asked God to use me in any way to help those become closer to him…. not realizing I’d be back in the same boat but in worst shape. I can say.. with this journey, more and more people are coming to Christ! Amen!!
One of my biggest fears that I’ve had to face was the fear of not waking up after falling asleep at night. I recently realized why my insomnia has been so bad. This is it! The devil has gotten into my head! No more! God is in the drivers seat, and I am His passenger! I spoke with my cardiologist whom I saw this past week (Christian and a true believer). My cardiologist confirmed that I have a strong heart (with medication), and there should be no reason for my heart to fail. No reason I shouldn’t wake up! This fear is no longer! It’s Gone! The Devil lost on this one! Amen!! I share this with you as we only have one life to live here on Earth. The question is.. how do you want to spend your time? Worrying about tomorrow? Banking as much money as you can and not helping others that are truly in need?
What is your passion? What are you going to do differently tomorrow that will impact another human being today? I love ? you all very much!!
I am in no way seeking sympathy with my post. God has me and will continue to take care of me.